The road to Utopia is paved with good intentions

Anon

The year 2020 was momentous in so many ways: the Covid-19 pandemic arrived like a storm out of nowhere; the Government responded with a series of lockdowns; scientific advisors and the ‘nudge unit’ spread fear amongst the populace; draconian measures were imposed such as social distancing, school closures, working from home and mask-wearing. In the US the death of George Floyd led to worldwide Black Lives Matter protests; ideas like ‘white privilege’ and ‘anti-racism’ proliferated.  There was a rapid rise in children claiming to have been ‘born in the wrong body’; and those who tried to raise safeguarding concerns were accused of ‘transphobia’ and lost their livelihoods.  Four years on and we still live in a topsy turvy world where free speech is seriously under threat.  One of our contributors has sent us this essay – a surreal and amusing account of how life has changed in those four years since 2020 and how hard it is proving to turn the world upright again. We enjoyed reading it and hope you will do too.

Essay

You have to admit it. Before 2020 the world was a mess. Problems like crime, healthcare, education, and racism were constantly argued without anything being solved. Issues were caught in a cycle of simmering, bubbling up and bursting in a hot mess, and then simmering again until the next mess boiled over. 

We needed change. We needed to get out of the rut. Like Thom Yorke, we wished it was the 60s. We wished we could be happy. We wished something would happen, something that swept away the constant bickering and replaced it with something better. Something closer to the perfection that we knew that we, and the world, had the potential to be. 

But then one night in 2020, while we were asleep an angel sprinkled an arc of dust over the world, and before we were consciously aware, something wonderful had happened. 

At first we hardly noticed. Something stirred, something slightly unusual. But coyly, and then suddenly, it revealed itself to us in a glorious new kind of dawn. 

We had gone to bed in a world of endless struggle and awoke in a magical world of infinite possibilities. Limitless realities. Painfully shy caterpillars had become strange and bold new butterflies. The air was filled with blissful angel dust. The vulture was suddenly a saint, and what was yesterday an ugly predator was today a misunderstood martyr. 

Nothing was impossible. We realised that without law, there is no such thing as crime. No laws, no crime, just people expressing themselves and doing what they needed to. Ban the police, instant peace. Legalise drugs, maximise hugs.

Freedom didn’t stop at human laws, it extended to the laws of nature, those horribly unfair laws that prevented people from being who they truly are underneath all of that pointless biology. Do you feel like a man? If you’ve got feelings, then maybe you aren’t a man. Do you identify as a man? If the answer isn’t obvious to you in a split second, then maybe you aren’t really a man. Maybe you are really a woman. But so what – there’s no joy in being a man. Masculinity is just another word for ‘toxic’. Who wants to be toxic? Wouldn’t you rather be a new kind of angel, stunning and brave? Everyone will love you.

And as for science – Pah! Science was an objectivity racket, a power grab by Old White Men. But a person’s limits are not dictated by physics, but by their imagination. Let your imagination set you free! Don’t let gravity clip your wings. Don’t be bullied by boring old rationality.

Oh, the magic, the wonderous new magic. And who doesn’t love magic. Who would be foolish enough to question the new magic. What kind of person would try to spoil the magic for everyone? Someone utterly evil, that’s who. Wasn’t this new world so much better than the stupid old world? Don’t be evil – don’t question the magic. Don’t you DARE burst the bubble and ruin it for everyone. Don’t even think of it. Don’t let the slightest trace of doubt appear on your face or you will ruin the magic for everyone. And when you see the magic, smile your biggest smile, clap your hands, and declare loudly how fabulous it is.

It was important to believe the magic, not just for the good, but to keep out the bad. Because even in a world of magic, there is always something lurking, something somewhere, wanting to spoil everything. In a magic world, it was important that everyone believed in the magic, lest the magic (do I dare even say it?) start to weaken and be undone. The magic will set us all free, so unless you hate freedom, don’t question the magic.

But despite the magic, we had to fear The Sickness. We didn’t have to worry really, because The Sickness was being dealt with, not with stupid old slow-motion medicine, but with a magical warp speed potion administered by the enchanting new doctors who pranced and grinned as they saved us from death. 

“How”, we marvelled “do they do it?” 

“Why” we marvelled, as we clapped like grateful walruses, “are we so lucky?” 

We were the luckiest people in history. We no longer had to go on a dangerous journey to seek happiness – the world came to us. We worked from home. Children learned from home. We didn’t need holidays anymore. Just as well, because it was no longer safe to be near anyone without wearing a magical life-saving veil. The world had become an adventure, an enchanted worldwide masked ball. We didn’t need to mourn the dead or visit people too old to take care of themselves. 

Everything was being taken care of and the future was golden as long as we did what we were told by the people we trusted, the people higher up than us, who in turn followed The Science. This wasn’t the dusty boring old science of course, but a different thing altogether, a unquestionable code for living you could trust with your life, and which was protected from the scrutiny of fools by The Sage Ones. 

We had awoken into an enlightened world, and the future was golden.

But there were always one or two people who thought it was clever to be evil, who wanted to spoil it for everyone by saying the magic wasn’t real, or who wanted to examine the magic to understand how it worked. The Spoilers who said that people couldn’t become butterflies even if they desperately wanted to.

These Spoilers were so cunningly evil they had figured out a way to be ruthlessly violent in a way so subtle you needed a microscope to see it. But everyone knew their aggression had the power of reverse homeopathy, and contained enough trace elements of full-blown hatred that it could trigger in its victims full-blown screaming fits of fear and rage. These evil Spoilers even laughed at things that were Definitely Not Funny, even when they were told not to. 

In order to preserve the magic, these people – these Spoilers, these Nazis – could not be tolerated. Anyone who threatened to weaken the magic had to be dealt with, by being ignored, publicly humiliated, denounced to their employer, by peaceful (mostly) protests, or by any other means necessary. And despite clearly being the ones in the wrong, these Nazis would fall back on pretending they were the victims. Ha! Hilarious. But it wasn’t long before these pretend-victims would experience the full wrath of magical justice. And they knew it.

So here we are four years later, and the courageous new world we have been yearning for cannot be far away. Just around the corner. Or just around the next corner. We have avoided everything that people feared in the past, the nuclear war, the acid rain, the melting ice caps, and although we face new challenges at every turn, the magic is strong and changes everything it touches. Our institutions have been transformed into shining pillars of virtue, filled with cheerleaders of the magic, Administrators of Virtue dedicated to ensuring that the whole world finally accepts that the magic way is the only way. 

Bit by bit, the world has been transformed, and will never be the same. We have torn down anything that reminds us of outdated thinking, and are building back something better. We have been persuasive in convincing people to believe in the magic, especially the children in schools, who naturally believe whatever they are told. Where any doubt remains, it will be stamped out. 

Don’t try to stand up to us. You want to be brave? Bravery is just a stupid social construct, a type of toxic masculinity. Our virtue beats your bravery every time. If you are brave enough to claim the right to free speech, then be brave enough to face the magical consequences. 

Your world has gone. We made the world anew. You gave it up. You gave it to us. No, you can’t have it back. Sit back and enjoy the magic. Don’t you dare try to take it back. Don’t you dare spoil the magic. Everyone will hate you if you spoil the magic.

You say most people have stopped believing in the magic? Well so what. Democracy is such a stupid social construct anyway. What do people even know about magic? Nothing! People need to be led. Led by us. We have good intentions, and we know the road to Utopia is paved with good intentions. Utopia is just around the corner.

We will be there soon. Don’t spoil it.